Four Things I Learned About Leadership as a Start-Up Co-Founder
Four simple, yet very difficult, thoughts on leadership
Nearly everyone wants to be a leader.
We ask the same 11 questions in every final interview with our prospective teammates. When we ask where people think they want to be in ten years, nearly all candidates say they want to be leaders.
But the truth is, many actually want to do something other than the actual work of leadership. They want what many believe comes with being a leader: money, power, and prestige. But strip what society has adorned to leadership, and most people would choose another path.
Why? There are four things start-up leaders have to do that most people (really) don't want to do:
You can't be friends first. We promote from within a lot. Our first advice to a new leader: Your relationship changes today. You can still be friends, but you're their boss first. They're going to talk about you. They're going to criticize you. They're going to hurt your feelings. They will do all this because your relationship changes today, whether you like it or not. Pastor Ricky Jenkins shared, “The average person is betrayed 2 to 3 times in their lifetime. The average leader? 5-7 times each year." It's just different.
Everyone needs a coach, and few want one. It’s the hardest one today, and it's not close. Everyone thinks they're the 10xer. Everyone thinks they're the one who can work from home without any guidance. Everyone thinks they're the self-motivated exception. Only we're not. That’s science. And it's irrefutable.
In "Endurance," Alex Hutchinson explores the quest to run the two-minute mile. It is a study of human performance and what we're capable of. And they do some crazy stuff - like shooting up frogs with numbing agents and having them hop until their muscles give out - which is much later than they give out when not numbed. We all need someone to push us. Tiger Woods, Serena Williams, Tom Brady, and Michael Jordan had multiple coaches. An interesting point in the book: Nearly every world and personal record has been set in competition- away from home and comfort.
A leader, by definition, needs to take people somewhere else at a good pace. Most people don't want to go. We all need a coach. Being a coach is really hard because most people don't want a coach. And most of us don't think we're in a position to be a coach.
Homework - and lots of it. It takes an enormous amount of studying, and there often isn't time for it while on the job getting the trains to leave on time. I was a terrible leader for quite some time. I want to think I'm okay now, but it's only because a board member in 2012 pushed me to learn from others. I've read 100+ books on leadership and psychology since then. It takes a long time to find what works and then what works for you.
Less power, not more. Leadership doesn't have the "power" people think it does - at least good leadership.
"But I told them to do it - I can't believe they didn't!" is the most common new leader complaint: "It's not my fault. I told my team to do it, and they didn't."
People don't work like that and never have, yet so many new leaders think their title and position are what demand respect and submission. They're wrong. Being a leader requires a lot of humility and submission to others. That's hard, and a lot of people don't like it.
There are endless ways to lead a group of people to great things. Telling them what to do is not one of them, yet it's what people do over and over.Tony Robbins often jokes that people come to him and say:
I've tried everything!
Really? Everything? List everything?
Okay, I really tried the same two things over and over.
That is so true of leadership. It's different. And it is most certainly not for most people. So many will take that last sentence as if leadership is 'above' another job. It is not. It is just different. And that's the point. Society has made us believe otherwise, but that narrative is wrong.
A simple example- of which there are many like it: Who was more valuable to the Bulls dynasty, MJ or Phil Jackson? We all know the answer.