On Confidence - Part 3: The Price
Three Things I Learned In SaaS, Sports, Tech, & Live Events
On Confidence - Part 3 - The Price
"If you don't want to play that way….don't play that way." - MJ
When I was 23, I went to a local flower shop to buy a thank-you gift for a friend. The parking was next to a seedy bar in Hermosa Beach, and there were two spots next to one another, almost like double parking. I didn't know what to do and was in a hurry, so I parked in one - as others next to me had done.
When I returned, a group of men from the bar stood at my car. They told me I had to pay them $100 to leave, or they would keep me there until the tow truck arrived. I tried to push past them and it became clear they were looking for a fight. I walked away and called the police. As I did, they pushed me, threw things at me, and kicked my car. Eventually, the Hermosa PD showed up, and I could leave.
There were six of them and one of me. I felt emasculated and embarrassed. I didn't know what I would have done had it escalated.
The following week I signed up for a boxing gym that offered kickboxing and jiu-jitsu. And I went every week for nearly twenty years.
I haven't been in a fight since then and I don't ever want to be in one.
About two years ago, I accidentally cut someone off on the PCH. It was my fault. The person was angry and they followed me for about ten minutes. Nothing happened.
But I'll never forget that ten minutes because I wasn't scared. The total opposite of years earlier.
Don't get me wrong, there's nothing tough about me. I just remember thinking: If this happens, I know exactly what I'm going to do, and I've practiced it thousands of times.
The other day, my son was playing in a close playoff match in a high school tournament. His team was down and had called timeout. As the timeout broke, the varsity coach said, "Dellan, I need a pass here."
"That's what I do" - he responded, quoting Kobe Bryant.
"Dellan, you have too much ego," she laughed back.
But he doesn't. He's just passed a million balls a million times in a million moments, just like this one. That is, in fact, what he does.
People want what they want. Most don’t want to do the work to get it. And they resent those that do in subtle ways.
They’ve either “been there longer,” or it’s “their turn” (whatever that means), and they can’t understand the confidence of someone who has done the extra reps.
I find it insulting. And I’m not alone.
Kobe is famous for saying, “Why would I pass them the ball? I see what time they get to practice.”
Some people hate that is our standard. And that’s okay. Why would I hire that person? I see what kind of preparation they've done.
Nobody can just wake up one day and have confidence. It has to be earned. Otherwise, it's just arrogance.
Just know that if you're willing to pay the price, most will try to tear you down along the way.
I love this picture. It's overtime of an elimination match at Junior Nationals. Dad is in the back with no control, worried. Son, who did the work, is smiling and enjoying the moment.