Six Things I Learned In High School Which Helped Our Business
High school's coming to and end for a lot of our friends kids.
I spend a lot of time with junior high and high school students as I've been volunteering with them through the church and sports for the past 24 years. It's only four years and yet so over-indexed by some that multiple people sat outside our 25 year reunion dealing with the anxiety of seeing everyone again.
So, in the spirit of the season, here are the 6 most important things I learned in business as an also-ran in high school
Dance. I. In the early years of high school I was not particularly good at anything and easily ignored. Back in those days, school dances were still a thing (they've changed quite a bit). There were four basic groups of people when it came to the big dances: A) The No-Shows. The ones who didn't go - either they weren't interested or were too uncomfortable B) The wallflowers. The people who wanted to be a part of "it," but weren't. We were too scared. This was me - for years C) The hyenas. They'd go, not dance, and make fun of anyone who did. D) The dancers. The ones who just let it go and had fun. They accepted their fear, ignored the hyenas, and looked like they were having so much fun. Eventually, I risked the embarrassment, which didn't exist, and danced . The world has been so much better ever since. A career is full of "dances." Some no-show. Others stay on the sidelines. The hyenas tear everyone down and play politics. And the dancers take the chance. As covered in a previous Three Things: TicketManager was started out of a fear of regret. What if I never tried? What if I never asked the pretty girl to dance? Would I be able to live with that twenty years from now? Absolutely not. If I failed, at least I tried. Then I'll go find another dance and try again.
Clout is bankrupt. Sophomore year, one of the popular pretty girls took an interest in me. (Still don't know why, I wasn't a good person back then.) A real life Can't Buy Me Love followed where I was introduced to the trappings of social structure (popularity). The "famous" were now around. Those with power to make or break a reputation in a school yard where reputation was currency. I clout chased. It was empty. I've seen so many friends in the real world get rich and famous, only to watch them spiral into unhappiness. An example: years ago I joined YPO, a group for young entrepreneurs which has quite the vetting and recruiting process. Once a member, you're placed in "forum" with a group of ten other CEO/Managing Partner/Founder/Owners to talk about life. I made some great friends there, but I had to quit. Why? Half the group was miserable. They'd come to group, cry about how their wives hated them (it was an all male group), their kids hated them, their life was empty or whatever. Then they'd all get in their ostentatious sports cars, we'd drive to dinner, and they'd brag about sleeping with the secretary. Clout doesn't matter. What does…..
Ride or Dies are everything. The same pattern plays out every year with the kids in schools these days as it did with me. That pretty girl who was ride-or-die? There was more clout to chase. Those friends who were not seen "on the level" of the popular class? We see them less and prioritize others - not because we like them more, but because the world does. That cycle never stops and continues into the adult years. Even today I see people I know shed their friends to chase clout. Don't. The world doesn't have many people who care about what's best for you. When you find them, keep them your priority - no matter if they fit into the country club, the social club, the part or whatever. Keep them as close as you can. Every career goes through ups and downs. When we started this company, nearly everyone disappeared with very few exceptions. We didn't matter. People I thought were friends never even called to ask how it was going, let alone offer any help. Funny how so many showed up as we started to succeed. The ones who were there at the bottom? They'll always come first. If things go well, you’ll have ride-or-dies on your team. They will be 10x’ers. And thank God I learned this lesson personally in time for meeting my lifetime ride-or-die. Put a ring on that one as soon as I could.
Nobody knows anything. The people who appear to have it figured out - the popular kids in high school and the successful business icons in life - don't know shit. You're just as capable as they are - and possibly happier and more full. I spent too much of my life giving others too much respect, leading to self-doubt (more on that in a second). We’ve spent a lot of time behind the well-protected doors of the ‘successful.’ They're as lost as we all are. Most of em anyways.
Believe. It sounds so easy and so rah-rah (thanks Ted Lasso). It's not. You see, we can force ourselves to dance even when we're terrified and miserable doing it. We can easily prioritize who we spend time with and can fake-it-till-we-make-it in most things. Not belief though. That can't be faked. It has to be genuine. The hyenas are everywhere. And while some are drawn to confidence, many have vitriolic responses to it. As we've discussed in the past, the one who wants to stand out is most often chopped down by their own. I played volleyball in college. And was pretty good at it. Even got selected to the U20 USA National Team and played for the U19 team one summer. Why U20 and not U16? I didn't believe in myself. I listened to everyone else when they told me I wasn’t any good. Then, one day, at a gym in Southern California against a team from Orange County, something snapped. And it all changed. Believe you can do the next job, no matter how daunting. And believe you were put there for a reason.
Work and Luck. I am not smart. I'm not particularly athletic either. Going into the second semester of my Sophomore year, I was on the bench of the JV basketball team, on the also-ran 16s club volleyball team and was sporting a whopping 2.2 GPA. I was going nowhere. The bigger problem - I was trying. Everyone around me thought I was just lazy. My teachers, my coaches and even my parents would tell anyone who would listen I wasn't trying due to some test scores from early on in life. Problem was: I really was trying. I just couldn't pick up new concepts like the people around me could in a number of classes. My older sister started visiting colleges and my new (aforementioned) girlfriend got great grades. After seeing the colleges, I decided I wanted to try but I knew I was way behind. So I decided I was just going to have to double everyone else. If homework took others 2 hours, I had to do 4. If practice was 90 minutes with an hour of weights three days a week, I'd do 180 minutes and go to the gym six days a week. Still do. It didn't start fast, at all, and nobody noticed, at first, but all that work slowly compounded. My grades improved. I got better at sports. After a year, people started to call me smart. They even called me athletic. I'm neither. Never was. I had just read someone else's ideas on the subject which seemed good. “It” was, and still is, all manufactured. My teammates at USC could work half as hard as me and were still better than me. I was the #1 sales rep at AEG then again at StubHub….except I worked much longer hours than everyone else to get there b/c I just don't have the talent some do. Many of my friends still work half as hard as I do now and they look better, do better, and are more “successful” than I am. And that's fine- I’m happy for them. That's their journey, not mine. I couldn't be happier with the results now given where I was.
It's amazing how lucky we get when we work really hard.
Life can be hard, mean and scary at times. Especially for high school kids and even though it’s only 4 years! Business is no different. It is complicated, it moves fast, and the ups and downs can be overwhelming. And it doesn't get better. But we can.
Those four years taught me that wherever I am- business, school, social functions - just remember to Dance. Forget about clout. Invest in ride or dies. Believe. And truly outwork everyone else. If we do those things, we can go to sleep without any regrets.
And regret is far worse than failure or embarrassment.